Making and Keeping Friends
Mang first visited me in Brazil in 1971, he impressed me as a particularly hard-working colleague, eager for knowledge. Through his numerous visits to my clinic in Rio, and during my own visits to Germany, I have grown to know Prof. Mang and his delightful family well and to value the friendship that we have developed, with that special charm all the Germans are capable of giving.
The comfort, help, support, and new social contacts in a communal home can be a positive experience for many lonely and elderly people. They are given the opportunity to be with other people and, if equipped socially, may find new friendships and companionship. This may provide, for some, a new lease of life. Friendship clubs and religious groups and services are a very useful way for elderly, single people to meet. Prayer and religious fortification are very useful ways to strengthen the spirit. Words of comfort, support, and humor are very effective ways to reduce depression and stress.
If there is something you can do about this, do it. Ifthere is something you can do about it but feel inhibited, embarrassed, and reluctant or scared to do it yourself, speak to a good friend or professional advisor and formulate and design a plan. If there are marital problems and you cannot speak to your partner, speak to a good friend, your doctor, your religious advisor, or a marriage guidance counselor. If there are problems or issues at work that you cannot deal with yourself, speak to a good friend or find an advisor in a senior position who will give you practical advice.
There is no doubt in my mind that very real and deeply affecting attachments develop over the course of therapy between us and our patients. Although aspects of the therapeutic interaction are intrinsically gratifying for the patient, such as having one person's undivided attention for fifty minutes, therapy arouses other longings that we do not gratify either in the patient or in ourselves. This is why pain and frustration are an inevitable part of the therapeutic experience. This can arouse intense conflicts in both parties. I can think of several patients whom I have liked a great deal, and were it not for the circumstances in which we met, I would most probably have enjoyed developing a friendship with them. Yet, by becoming therapists, we make a choice that precludes such gratifications. Much as we like our patients, our warmth and affection towards them is more safely conveyed through our understanding of the pain of separation, our capacity to let go of them and to enjoy their...
Ers often start training horses in spring when the animals are shedding. By brushing and grooming, the trainer develops a friendship and level of trust with the animal. This is an example of interspecies bonding through grooming. This behavior is widely noticed between any combination of humans, dogs, and cats. Sometimes licking another animal or human is simply a show of affection.
When Henry Quastler (1908-63), Robert Platzman (1918-73), and I were arranging the Gatlinburg Symposium on Information Theory in Biology, we were delighted that Gamow accepted our invitation and also brought Martynas Ycas along. Gamow made that symposium a lively event. I was privileged to introduce him when he gave a lecture at the Oak Ridge National Laboratory. After the meeting, my wife and I drove him to the railroad station at the nearby town of Clinton. Although we corresponded frequently, that was the last I saw him. But that friendship contributed to the budding field of information theory in biology.
Studies on the social organization of baboons, langurs, and other nonhuman primates have greatly increased understanding of how human social organization might have originated. Most nonhuman primates have social groups based on friendships and dominance relationships. Larger and stronger individuals tend to get their way more often, but usually by gesturing or threatening rather than by actually fighting. Even this observation, however, must be qualified, because encounters involving three or more individuals are generally very complex, and less dominant individuals can often manipulate these complex situations to their advantage.
I have already mentioned all of my medical colleagues in Volume 1 with whom I have been working since 1975 and have had the privilege to learn from, as well as everyone who has helped me on the way. In addition to these, I would also like to mention my long friendship with Prof. Ivo Pitanguy. I first visited Prof. Pitanguy at his clinic in Rio de Janeiro in 1972. Since then, Prof. Ivo Pitanguy has often taken part in conferences in Lindau and is always a very welcome guest in our home. His professional competence, his charm, his gentlemanly nature, his warm-heartedness and his ability to get things done, as well as his pioneering spirit and his love for aesthetic plastic surgery have perhaps encouraged me to continue resolutely in this specialty and to pass on my knowledge to young colleagues. This young team of enthusiastic aesthetic plastic surgeons at my clinic has also helped me to complete Volume 2 of the manual. For this, I would like to give particular thanks to Dr. med. Klaus...
A discussion of herbs would not be complete without mentioning some of the uses of these plants not related to food or medicine. Crushing the plant releases the aromatic volatiles, making them useful as perfumes to cover up odors on bodies or in spaces. Undoubtedly this practice began by simply crushing the plant to release the odor into the air or rubbing the crushed plant onto an object. Burning the plant is another way to release its odors. The Egyptians were quite skilled at the art of perfumery and passed these skills on to the Greeks and Romans. Additionally, herbs were commonly used in the nineteenth century as components of floral bouquets designed to deliver messages to recipients. The flowers had particular meanings for example, roses meant love. The herbs were added for greenery to deliver additional messages. Rosemary was used to denote friendship, and basil meant hatred.
Through it all, he retained a wonderful appreciation for the equality of all people. He was as informal, charming, and funny with student dishwashers in a laboratory as he was with august professors heading the university. He discriminated not on the basis of title, but of intelligence His only requirements for instant friendship seemed to be that the person be as wide awake, open-minded, and (almost) as quick-witted as he was. After Noyes's death, however, Pauling's ascent to the chairmanship of the division was not a foregone conclusion. The older faculty immediately brought Pauling's dictatorial tendencies to the attention of Caltech's head, Robert Millikan who thought Pauling too young for a chairmanship in any case and made certain that Pauling was the only member of the chemistry division not asked to be an honorary pallbearer at Noyes's funeral. Pauling's appointment as chemistry division chair was delayed for months, a development that hurt and confused Pauling. He had put all...
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